


A Pain in the Career

by hannelore



Category: Hark! A Vagrant
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-24
Updated: 2011-12-24
Packaged: 2017-10-28 01:28:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/302218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannelore/pseuds/hannelore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's true, real teens don't give a shit about anything. Unfortunately, the Mystery Solving Teens were so busy not giving a shit about anything, they forgot about that getting older thing...</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Pain in the Career

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pauraque](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pauraque/gifts).



"I'm pretty sure I only asked for one of you to come in." The guidance counselor frowned.

"I didn't want to miss out on whatever awesome advice he was going to get."

"I already told you all the advice you need, burger-flipping man."

"Shut up, dick."

"Boys, boys," the guidance counselor sighed and steepled his fingertips together, resting his elbows on the desk. "Very well. So, what is it you both see yourself doing after graduation?"

"Doing?"

"Oh shit, we are going to have to leave school aren't we?"

"Fuuuuuuck."

"The swearing," the guidance counselor held up a warning hand. "No swearing, please."

"Is there still a chance we could flunk out?"

"Finals are over. Somehow, you both managed to do quite well, which came as a complete surprise to me, the principal and the entire staff."

"Damn."

"I don't know why you're surprised, I told you just last night it was June."

"That was last month, retard."

"Maybe if you actually looked at the calendar instead of your ass..."

"Boys!" The guidance counselor interrupted again. "I'm going to assume that higher education -- stop smirking -- is out of the question?"

"You just said we were smart!"

"Yeah, what the fuck."

"Smart enough to finish high school," the guidance counselor eyed them both over the rim of his glasses. "Which, gentlemen, isn't always enough for the real world."

***

They sat outside against the wall of the school.

"I told you we should have skipped more classes."

"I thought we skipped plenty!"

"Doesn't matter." He flicked away the end of his cigarette. "What a douche. I bet I could get his job, it's so easy."

"I've already got a job lined up."

"Oh yeah? Ashtray remover?"

"I'm gonna design these sweet, sweet album covers."

"I'm pretty sure you have to go to college for that."

"What? No one in college has any artistic skills. You don't have to go to college for that."

"So you're going to show them your math homework as your portfolio. Boobs in the margins of your math homework doesn't count as a portfolio."

"Shut up, they were hot boobs."

"Your mom's, maybe."

"What are you guys doing here still?" They looked up. Vanessa stared down at them. "School's been out for a hour."

"One of us really needs to get a watch already," he muttered.

***

"So, I've got an idea how to get kicked out of school."

"This gown is way too short. Why do they call it a gown anyway?"

"Because your mom designed it. Now shut up and listen to my plan."

"You don't have a plan, man! We are _at_ fucking graduation. Jesus."

"What's wrong with that? Look, so we light a bag of shit under the podium..."

"...and..."

"And the principal steps on it and graduation's canceled."

"Because he has shit on his shoe?"

"Yeah?"

"Maybe we should stick to the album design thing."

"I know, right? Because I am designing this band album... thing... in my head right now. The band's called Tremendous."

"You can't have a band called Tremendous."

"Shut up, one-word name bands are powerful."

"Like 'Beatles,' yeah?"

"Well I'm not calling it 'The Tremendous.' That's just stupid. Okay, so the 'T' is gonna be sort of shaped like Thor's hammer and the 'r' has... I dunno, it's shooting rockets or something."

"Rockets are okay. But I still think it's a shit band name."

"I made it shitty on purpose so when I have to design album covers of bands that have real shit names, I won't laugh in their faces and get fired."

"Smart thinking."

"Boys," the detective came up to them and shook both their hands. "I have a job for you."

"Is it being a graphic designer?"

"Do you have a band?"

"No," the detective looked at them warily. "Wait, are you graduating?"

"So they tell us."

"Oh, well, I take that back then. So long and good luck."

"Wait! What about the job?"

"I'm afraid your sleuthing skills won't be teen-style if you're not still in high school."

"We're trying to stay in high school!"

"Hey, maybe you can get us back in?"

"Hmmm." The detective thought. "Nope, sorry. Good luck."

Just as he left, the band started to play.

"Maybe we could get expelled."

"School's been out for two weeks, dick."

"Fuck."

"Let's go smoke out behind the bleachers, maybe they won't notice we're not there."

"Yeah okay."

"I told you we should have skipped class more."

"Will you shut up already?"

"Maybe Principal Dick will fart in the silence after our names are called."

"Ha! That would be sweet."

"And the rest --"

"-- is farting."


End file.
